Jotting Down My Heart

Hello there... i know its been a long while since i posted anything in my blog. but i have a question here. Have u ever fell in love and it just stopped halfway? and then u start to believe there is no such thing as love? well i did and it was long time ago. I start to get hook ups and meet new food s to chew on but then at that one special night, i met this someone special to me, she's not like any other i met and just fool around with i start to feel what i felt before and i said to myself i wont let it go as easily this time... i try to hold on to it as much as i can no matter what.

It was great, there were laughter and smiles with fights every now and then, but then we were still strong. Then i made an unintentional mistake, where my ex met me. It was disastrous, nearly ruined what i had but i still hold on to it and convinced her that such thing will never again and i break to tears asking for forgiveness and be a better man.

As time goes by, 6 months has passed and we spent our time together vacationing else where, around that time i've noticed there's something fishy. It seems that we were still the same, but i felt there are some sort of emptiness in me, there's a connection between me and her alright.. but only physical not mutual. I started to wonder what i did wrong as i promised myself that i wont let this go and make such stupid mistakes and be loyal and sincere of whatever im doing.

So i let it linger in my mind, but never to voice it out cause it might make things more awkward and worst. I mean how would you feel if one day ur lover said "there's something between us, there's no more intimacy and seems to have a growing gap between us"? wont you feel like ur heart dropped from 1000 feet?

But somehow one day, i feel like to use my skills and i found out she's been cheating on me, not with 1 or 2 or 10 guys behind my back. And yet its easy for her to fake it and say Love and Miss towards me with a smile and laughter every time we spent it. I really cant take it anymore especially when i found out she's having a fling with someone who is so close to me and they both were really good at hiding it. I just can't control my anger, jealousy and hatred, I've been so loyal to her and kept my promise, am i to blame?

In my mind that time was, "Blood with blood" so I went out when she was less expected and met a few which actually she knew them as a friend or acquaintance. When i had enuff (even though not reaching as much as her) then i spill the beans. I spill out everything i knew and what i did.And we concluded to forget everything and move on.

But then again the next night she went out again, with other friend of mine, imagine how i felt that time... i went berserk. And then again i forgive her and didn't do the same, i just slip it through coz frankly i still love her. And then soon after that she went out again with someone i knew again, i got no idea whether she has a problem with her skirt that it kept falling off especially to my friends and acquaintances, it really feels like i'm embarrassing myself after all that bragging that i have a stable girlfriend and I've been loyal to her and and compromise and so does she... well they got the idea that i was being all that to her.. but not the same case for her towards me.

And yet again, i still didn't let go plus she said she will be better and appreciate me more, like i appreciated her. But then things start to loosen up and yet i still work hard to get things better even planned to go on vacation together again.

Then here comes October, it was my birthday, we went out but nothing special happened it feels more like a casual outting, atleast my friends sang a birthday song for me, so i thought. on the 5th, she got a bad news and it affected her so much that i got scolded at for being concern of her. I'm a lover, what else can i do.. if i can not help at least im there for her and care for her, and for that i got the negatives? i was so pissed off and just give her space for few days. Then on the very morning of the 8th, she asked for a break up. frankly, i expected that coming but not that soon. i was caught off guard, so i said to her that i give her a month to reconsider and for the time being i will give her more space, and we will still going to our friends place on the 10th and i will try to fake it out.

Last night was the 10th, frankly it was hard for me. on the way sending her home, i start to talk abt it with her. In her defense she said that she did that so that easier for me to let go and not bring me in to her problems. I was confused and voiced out.. "what the heck am i here for then? be here only when you are happy?". After all the troubles, anger, hatred and forgiveness i gave suddenly she thought that is for the best?..

All i got to do now is justto wait for a month now, to wait and see where things wil go.. o heart please stay calm and hold on to it.. hoping to get an answer here.. a positive answer.. and hopefully it will be not too late for this heart of mine to turn back. If it's a negative answer, then all i have to do is ro say goodbye... even though it will be hard for me, but i hope u can find someone better, that can handle u better, that can love you better, that can care for you better.....

The Dashing Green Apple

Yes i know... i've been missing for so long.. coz i dunno wat to post actually and yesterday i edited my pic..

Before...

After... Nah kana sumpah jadi epal...

Ok.. that's it for now HAHAHA

Is It True?

A friend of mine tagged me in facebook with the questions from http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx, so here are the results..

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Suci Brand & Cityneon's Move It! Dance Show Down

For these past few days i was in the ICC for the RTB Carnival & BITC, well i was just snooping around there and watched the rehearsal for Anugerah RTB... damn it reminds me so much how fun it was to run the event like that wen i was a Producer's Assistant 4 years back when i was in RTB.

But that was not the main reason why i was there, I was there for the Suci Brand and Cityneon's Move It! Dance Show Down which managed & organised by Cityneon and co-organised by Relentless Entertainment, I was so in to the competition from the very beginning as my friend, Tyrone asked me to come and watched the audition in Cityneon to pick the final 12 that will perform in ICC Conference Hall. Never thought that Brunei had such a great and yet unsung dancers.. haha not heroes k.. dancers..

The competition was held for 3 or 4 days.. i dun quite remember *knock head* but anyway there was an elimination need to be done everyday after they all had perform their routine, until the final 5 which was held on Sunday. And the coolest thing was there was a tie between 2 groups that the winner was decided my the audience. The 1st place was warm seated by B2BR, the 2nd was Majestic Crew, 3rd Epic Rhythm, 4th Rhythm Fusion and finally the 5th is The KB Rockers (they are the only shuffle crew that made it to the final cut) I don't get to record everything since my memory card is not that huge.. so i can only show some...

This was during Majestic Crew's rehearsal


Epic Rhythm


KB Rockers


Majestic Crew

AND FINALLY!!


SYAFIQ???!!!! HAHAHA joking man.. peace!!

p/s: btw i heard such huge event will again be held soon around this year and it will be in categories, so guys keep ur heads up

The Results Of Johari (Positive) & Nohari (Negative) Windows

I did post my personality query to u guys a year ago, thankfully you guys did participate in this so here are the results...

JOHARI (Positive) WINDOW

Arena (known to self and others) complex, confident, friendly, helpful, knowledgeable	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, adaptable, caring, cheerful, dependable, giving, happy, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, kind, loving, mature, responsive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) extroverted	Unknown (known to nobody) able, bold, brave, calm, clever, dignified, energetic, introverted, logical, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, searching, self-assertive, shy, silly, sympathetic, tense, warm

Do you agree with this? if not please poll in ur votes here.. HAHA

NOHARI (Negative) WINDOW

Arena (known to self and others) insecure

Blind Spot (known only to others) intolerant, inflexible, simple, cruel, distant, impatient, rash, dispassionate

Façade (known only to self) violent, childish, loud, unethical, inattentive

Unknown (known to nobody) incompetent, timid, cowardly, aloof, glum, stupid, irresponsible, vulgar, lethargic, withdrawn, hostile, selfish, unhappy, unhelpful, cynical, needy, unimaginative, inane, brash, ignorant, irrational, boastful, blasé, imperceptive, chaotic, weak, embarrassed, vacuous, panicky, insensitive, self-satisfied, passive, smug, overdramatic, dull, predictable, callous, unreliable, cold, foolish, humourless

What abt this one? do u agree or not? cmonlah.. don't be a wuss and vote in here :P

HAHA well that's it for now..

WARGH!!! CAN'T SLEEP!!

It's 4 a.m. and i got plans later in the afternoon and i can't sleep... WTF?!!!

I need some motherfuckin' sleep!!! WARGH!!

It's been awhile since i posted anything... it's not that i'm busy.. it's just that i'm so lazy nowadays, plus with no work and most of the time i spent my time at home so there's nothing to post.. but lemme update a few things here.. pin pointed.. HAHA

- I went to KK with Tyrone, Dan by speed boat for the new year

- Zue got engaged

- Hafiz got married

- Successfully finished my attachment with DST

- Went for parties

Well thats pretty much it actually HAHA... anyway just feeling like posting pics that i took during my absence from this blog


P/S: There's no new recent pics here.. haha im serious ni.. suddenly nada mood kan bergambar wah